The first thing I need to say and get out there is a couple of thank you’s. I have never expressed this and I need to more often because when I look back over my teenage years and the crazy things that I have been exposed to in my life (and that is a lot) I have to thank God for His mercy on my life and for truth. If you do not realize now you need to, God’s mercy and His loving kindness is unbelievable. Does not give me or excuse the sins I have committed. I feel as if I sometimes have literally have taken a knife and stabbed God in the back with my rebellion and selfish ways, but yet God still has reached his hand out and forgave me. My next thanks goes to my parents for being a Godly examples to me and living a Jesus centered life Also, for living an example of a life that I need to live. I want to tell you Mom and Dad that I want to be the Father to my kids that yall have been to me. My last thanks goes to my Pastor and Youth Pastor, Pastor Buddy Thompson, and Bro. Akil Thompson. If it had not been for you all, I would not be in church and serving God today. The time spent and invested in me, even though you all probably wanted to take me by the neck sometimes and strangle me because of some of my actions. You have always supported my dreams and never once have told me that I could not do what my dreams wanted me to do. That means the world to me! With all this said, something has been convicting me and has been on my heart for a week now and need to express it to myself and hopefully to whoever reads this.
Conviction is a word that we never like feeling and maybe sometimes we forget about it as Christians. I have found myself in past that I act on my feelings and that is not a bad thing a lot of times. We would call that being real. When I was still in the youth group at Life Church, My Youth Pastor Bro. Akil used to tell me all the time, “I am just being real with you”, when he was trying to get something in my head. It worked sometimes and sometimes I knew everything being the smart, intelligent, all knowing teen I was. I heard a preacher say this and this is the point I am telling myself right now, “We think sometimes keeping it real is acting on everything that comes into our mind”. He goes on to say, “It may be REAL but that doesn’t mean its RIGHT”.
Right then it God convicted me. We sometimes do that, and I feel as if we get immune sin because if that is how we feel when do it and it satisfies the flesh. Paul says in Romans 13, “Make no room for the flesh, because all the flesh wants to do is please its lustful nature”. That’s why in 1 Corinthians 9 Paul says, “My flesh is weak and I want to give into it sometimes but I have to BRING IT INTO SUBJECTION”. That word subjection means domination; we have to dominate our flesh. Out there to everyone now, if my flesh has gotten the best of me, forgive me. I am not trying to be a hypocrite and telling this to you, like I said this is for me as much is it is for whoever reads this. We cannot act on everything that our flesh wants us to have. God will not always convict us. When the adulteress woman was about to be stoned and Jesus said, “he who is without sin cast the first stone”, the scripture says their own conscience convicted them. Ladies and Gentlemen, it is our job sometimes to ask ourselves is what I am doing like Christ? If it is we let it in, and if it is not like Him, WE CANNOT LET IT IN. I pray God forgive me because of my weak flesh.
I know we are all flesh and we mess up from day to day, but I know that I have to do better job in controlling my unruly and unpredictable flesh. It really funny but scary sometimes of how unpredictable a person is in the moment can be, and what they are capable of doing. It is kind of like the woman picking a car up when it rolled over her son. Anyways back on track, I have to tell myself, I have to strive to be holy, because the God we serve is a holy God, and He is coming back one day for a holy bride. Other than that I know that if I control my flesh better. In doing this my life will be fill with more to look forward to and less regret looking back on.
