Desires

This morning I have been waken up shaken. What is love, it is an intense feeling of deep affection. You will learn throughout life that love is a conditional word and feeling. You may tell me I unconditionally love my girlfriend or boyfriend, husband or wife, but I am sure there are moments where that love is tested. How many times have I tested my relationship with God and how many times has his unconditional love accepted me back. I feel right now so broken and undeserving of anything because I have lost a lot in the past couple of months but God has been there with every lose that I have had. I am shaken this morning being waken up and God or whatever it was making me come to a realization of the loses I have had in my life over these past couple of months and years. God is asking and has continued to ask me where are your desires at.

I feel as if the Psalmist said it best “One thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life”. God has been asking me through this season of my life “Caleb, what are you desiring?” “Are you storing your treasures up down here on this earth or are you storing them in my kingdom?” I am convicted because number one I have failed a lot the past couple of months but mainly because the reasons behind those failures is because my desires were not where they needed to be. I will be transparent to the world in hopes that this will reach someone. Today I woke up feeling all alone, wanting and missing my family and when I think about the lose of my grandfather and my other grandfather just one day ago having a heart attack and me not being able to be there almost brings me on the verge of tears. You will find also and realize the importance of your family when you are away from them so long. There is also other emptiness right now in my life. When I was awakened this morning, feeling so empty, God immediately asked, are you desiring me? I keep telling God yes, yes, yes and He keeps telling me let me fill that void. I have to desire God or everything else will never happen the way it should happen. God has given me a choice to live for Him or not. If I am going to live for Him then I need to walk by faith and not by sight because He is a God of faith. Jesus is able to fill every void you are having but we all have to learn to trust Him.

The Pharisees in the bible were all about what they did. They looked the part, acted the part, (bring it up to times) played the best music, sang the best songs, preached the best sermons, wore the best clothes, and had the status in the “church” world. They though did not have their priorities right with God. Matthew 7, “Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? And in thy name done many wonderful works? And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.” The disciples after the Holy Ghost was poured out went and spread the gospel. Their one desire was Jesus Christ, it was not a status in their organization or church, it was not to be the best drummer, keyboardist, preacher, or worship leader, but it was God. I am not telling whoever reads this to give up and not be the best at their ministry but I am just wanting you to ask yourself a question “where are your desires really lying”? If you are more concerned about “earthly” acceptance in your ministry or in life be careful because that is who Jesus was talking to when He said depart from me.

God Bless

Trusting in God

"You hold my every moment, calm my raging seas. Walk with me through fire, heal all my disease.....I trust in you". As I sit here as listen to this song Healer, the question keeping pondering do I really trust in God? Do I view God as God or do I view Him as just God and that is just Him? I hope that makes since?

You hold my every moment, walk with me through fire, there is no one in this world who has that capability and in most cases would do that for someone. When I think about the marvelous and better yet unthinkable things that God has done; just sitting back and thinking of creation it amazes me. How a God that threw the stars into place, how a God that took His breath and breathed hot air and the sun came into existence, how a God twirled earth and now it continually spins on its axis, and how a God paid the ultimate sacrifice for a person who fails Him more that the beatings He took for me, was beaten to near death and then put to death for a sin that should go punished. I am sitting and now after all that wondering all that He has done, not just for me but just through out history, and how He has done nothing to compromise trust. In life someone can take five years gaining someone trust and in one moment it be gone. God though has never done one thing to make me not want to trust Him but yet I find myself sometimes finding it hard to trust Him.

Proverbs 3:5-Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. I have to follow that verse. If I can not trust God then who can I trust. Palms 31:14 I trust You, You are my God. If You are my God, then I will trust You. I have no choice but to trust You. When this world comes down around me, I have to trust you or when I feel as if I have conquered the world, I have to trust him. "Nothing is impossible, You hold my world in Your hands, You are God, You have the whole world in Your hands."

Character

Sow an action and you reap a habit; Sow a habit and you reap a character; Sow a character and you reap a destiny. I found this quote while I was reading the book "Making the Most of Your Mind" by Stephen Doughlass, and it is a quote that has stuck with me. This is something that appears to be true to everyone but is shrugged off and not given a second thought. Tonight it hit me, that one sentence, or action could alter the course of your life or the life of someone else for the good and for the bad.

There is a quote out there that everyone knows, "actions speak louder than words" and to a big extent I agree. I also have to say, your words sometimes pave the way for your actions. It is really funny how you can do a million good things and you mess up one time and you can be ruined. Not justifying a bad action because of all the good actions. This is why Paul in 2 Corinthians 8 says, that we need to be careful of how we act around our peers and others, as we are with God. We must constantly be watching ourselves in what comes out of our mouths and how we act upon certain feelings. Depending on how we act in the shaky situation will more than likely be that moment of when someone will judge our character.

A thought came to me the other day that our true character is shown when we are tested. This meaning in the good and easy moments it is easy to have a good character. The part where your character is put to the test is when it is tested. Look at people in the heat of the moment, Cain killed Able, Peter denied Jesus, David slept with Bathsheba, and Judas sold Jesus. Because of this Cain ended up leaving his family and being a wanderer for the rest of his life, and Judas ended up killing himself. These are two examples of how one moment can change your life completely.

Look at people in the past, what if Martin Luther never said his famous words "I have a dream" or if Patrick Henry never said "Give me liberty or give me death". How different would the United States, the world be if it had not been for those moments? Or what if Saddam Hussein never said "Long live the people, long live the nation, down with the invaders, God is great, God is great!". He may not of convinced his people to fight the Americans. A moment in life, words, actions, can very well shape the path of your life or the life of someone else. I had a friend one time in High School who decided to get high before he drove to School and ended up wrecking and killing someone and now he is having to live with the fact of he killed someone.

We must be careful of the words we speak and the actions we do because we are the body of Christ and we are supposed to reflect Christ. We want are words and actions to help shape for the good in someone's life and not destroy it. When we speak life then life will be brought fourth, but when you do the opposite then the life cannot be brought up. God is truly pleased with us not only when we repent and receive the Holy Ghost and are baptized, but also when we live our lives as true Christians and reflect His holy name.

Investments

A thought came across me tonight and it stuck with me, I posted a facebook status about it and then tried to go to bed. That failed! Number one, I hate when something gets in your head and you can not get it out of your head. For me this is how I get it out. Here is the status I put up, "What you invest your time in, is where you will see growth in the different areas of your life. If you do not invest, you will not see growth, so do not expect the benefits of growth when the investment is not there. This goes with every aspect of life, ministry, relationships, talents, and habits. I need to be able to prioritize my life so that I will be able to get the maximum growth." Yes I did accidentally put habitats instead of habits, but that is only because I can not spell and sometimes I am to A.D.D to look at the word I am correcting when spell check gives me options.

Moving forward, an investment is defined as "an act of devoting time, effort, or energy to a particular undertaking with the expectation of a worthwhile result". This is more of something practical and not so much spiritual even though you have to be able to incorporate this into your walk with God. When you think of the word investment, you probably think of money, and money is a good grounds of relating investing because it is something that is a essential part of life and we all know that we need it. (I need to insert a "lol" or "haha" here but its not very professional in a writing so I will not do it) When it comes down to it, what we invest in, in our lives is what will makes us grow. Example one, and everyone can relate to this because everyone has been through this, when you are in a relationship, not necessarily boyfriend/girlfriend but just a friendship and it is one sided, meaning you are the one doing the investing and the other person is not, then it will do nothing but drain you later on. Yes, it will help you grow and lessons will be learned, but when you are always giving and the other side is receiving and never giving, then your investment will go no where. Granted do not misread me investing in people is a totally different matter, but I am talking about a friendship, which the investment goes two ways. This is just an example, not my main point.

When I look at my life and realize all the time I have wasted, when I could of been investing in myself to make myself better in order to be a difference in peoples lives, it makes me sick. Time flies by so quickly and we do not realize how quickly it goes by. So I asked myself the question tonight, is the way I am investing my time, energy, and effort worth the time, energy, and effort that I am trying to put into it? It is a tough and a reality check question, and it is hard to lie to yourself when you are asking it. I really had to dig deep down and go though everything that is going on in my life right now in order to find out the answer for myself. The honest answer is there are things in my life that are pointless in investing in and will get me nowhere, but there are more things than the pointless areas, that are worth investing in. I just need to realize them and cut back on the time that I am trying to invest in them.

Last thing, right beside the word investment should be the word risk. Every time you invest in something weather it be trying to discover a new talent, relationship, people, or just time and effort into something that you are passionate about, there is a potential for let down, loss, and disappointment. Do not let that stop you, there is a point and I have reached that point sometimes where you let go (Example 2, I can spend all day and night trying to sing but unless God blesses me with a voice, it aint gonna happen), but do not stop trying and exploring new things.

IT MAY BE REAL BUT IT AINT RIGHT

The first thing I need to say and get out there is a couple of thank you’s. I have never expressed this and I need to more often because when I look back over my teenage years and the crazy things that I have been exposed to in my life (and that is a lot) I have to thank God for His mercy on my life and for truth. If you do not realize now you need to, God’s mercy and His loving kindness is unbelievable. Does not give me or excuse the sins I have committed. I feel as if I sometimes have literally have taken a knife and stabbed God in the back with my rebellion and selfish ways, but yet God still has reached his hand out and forgave me. My next thanks goes to my parents for being a Godly examples to me and living a Jesus centered life Also, for living an example of a life that I need to live. I want to tell you Mom and Dad that I want to be the Father to my kids that yall have been to me. My last thanks goes to my Pastor and Youth Pastor, Pastor Buddy Thompson, and Bro. Akil Thompson. If it had not been for you all, I would not be in church and serving God today. The time spent and invested in me, even though you all probably wanted to take me by the neck sometimes and strangle me because of some of my actions. You have always supported my dreams and never once have told me that I could not do what my dreams wanted me to do. That means the world to me! With all this said, something has been convicting me and has been on my heart for a week now and need to express it to myself and hopefully to whoever reads this.

Conviction is a word that we never like feeling and maybe sometimes we forget about it as Christians. I have found myself in past that I act on my feelings and that is not a bad thing a lot of times. We would call that being real. When I was still in the youth group at Life Church, My Youth Pastor Bro. Akil used to tell me all the time, “I am just being real with you”, when he was trying to get something in my head. It worked sometimes and sometimes I knew everything being the smart, intelligent, all knowing teen I was. I heard a preacher say this and this is the point I am telling myself right now, “We think sometimes keeping it real is acting on everything that comes into our mind”. He goes on to say, “It may be REAL but that doesn’t mean its RIGHT”.

Right then it God convicted me. We sometimes do that, and I feel as if we get immune sin because if that is how we feel when do it and it satisfies the flesh. Paul says in Romans 13, “Make no room for the flesh, because all the flesh wants to do is please its lustful nature”. That’s why in 1 Corinthians 9 Paul says, “My flesh is weak and I want to give into it sometimes but I have to BRING IT INTO SUBJECTION”. That word subjection means domination; we have to dominate our flesh. Out there to everyone now, if my flesh has gotten the best of me, forgive me. I am not trying to be a hypocrite and telling this to you, like I said this is for me as much is it is for whoever reads this. We cannot act on everything that our flesh wants us to have. God will not always convict us. When the adulteress woman was about to be stoned and Jesus said, “he who is without sin cast the first stone”, the scripture says their own conscience convicted them. Ladies and Gentlemen, it is our job sometimes to ask ourselves is what I am doing like Christ? If it is we let it in, and if it is not like Him, WE CANNOT LET IT IN. I pray God forgive me because of my weak flesh.

I know we are all flesh and we mess up from day to day, but I know that I have to do better job in controlling my unruly and unpredictable flesh. It really funny but scary sometimes of how unpredictable a person is in the moment can be, and what they are capable of doing. It is kind of like the woman picking a car up when it rolled over her son. Anyways back on track, I have to tell myself, I have to strive to be holy, because the God we serve is a holy God, and He is coming back one day for a holy bride. Other than that I know that if I control my flesh better. In doing this my life will be fill with more to look forward to and less regret looking back on.

Choices

Choice, an act of selecting or making a decision when faced with two or more possibilities. This word in this past semester has stuck out to me while I have been at Gateway. Granted, we make choices everyday, getting out of bed, what to eat, what clothes to wear, and so on. These things are small and not really all that significant, and in the end they make up who we are overall, but the choices that I am talking about can affect your life.

God gave us the choice since He made Adam. Genesis 2:16-17 And the Lord God commanded the man, saying "Of every tree of the garden you may freely eat; but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die." Here God gave man a choice weather or not to obey Him. He tells Adam and Eve that they can do what they want, but according to what they do will affect their life. In Deuteronomy 11 God gives the Israelites another choice starting in verse 26, Behold, I set before you today a blessing and a cures: the blessing, if you obey the commandments of the Lord your God which I command you today; and the curse, if you do not obey the commandments of the Lord your God, but turn aside from the way which I command you today to go after other gods which you have not known. This is a choice of weather or not we want to serve our flesh or God.

There will be purpose to everything that we do. Weather the decision is a good one or bad one, I feel as if we will learn from the decisions we make, and hopefully it will make us a better person in the end. My ultimate goal in life is to make it to heaven. This may sound selfish and forgive me if it sounds that way, but I am not going to hell for anyone. I do not care if it is the love of my life or a million people that will go to heaven in my place. The thing that is getting at me is not will my choices affect salvation, it is more of the long term choices I make that will affect who I am, my reputation, and how I will end up as a person. Also, a big question that I have in general, not just pertaining to me, but when do my choices become so self centered that I do not care about other people who are trying to help me and guide me?

One of my biggest worries is that I will make mistakes that will drastically change my life. In my personal prayer time, I ask God to lead and guide me, to close the doors He wants closed, and to open the ones He wants open. I have had to learn to put complete trust in God and not force his hand. Not saying that I have not gone around to doors to see if they are unlocked so that I can open them. I feel as if sometimes people just wait for God to open a door, in the mean time they just sit and wait. I do not like that mindset, because I think we need to work hard and try to find the door that God wants us to go though if He has not opened a clear door. With that being said when I put people in my life that I choose put my confidence in, I try to listen. I the thing that irks me the most is when someone comes to me in confidence and asks for my advice and the next day does the exact opposite of what I suggest to them. I do not have all the answers, I am only 20 years old, but if I choose to put confidence in someone, that means to some extent I trust them. In trusting them, I need to take into consideration and prayer to what advice they give me, not making quick decisions.

Choices are made everyday weather they are life changing or just simple routine. This is obvious and is not a revelation at all, but the choices we make map the road for our life weather they seem insignificant or taking a risk that will instantly be change everything about a person. Sometimes our choices can be undone and sometimes they can not. This is why everyday we, I, must put God first in our lives, listen to those who we have put our trust in, and again, trust God.